Scotland: National Rural Network
Connecting Rural Scotland - Promoting Rural Growth

By Patrick Vickery

Occasionally I am invited to speak at small gatherings by folk who feel that I may have something of interest to say on gardening matters. I always decline, explaining politely that the prospect of public speaking fills me with dread. Some people like nothing better than to speak in front of an audience whilst others do not. I fall into the latter category and have no desire to change this state of affairs.

However, I did appear on television once in front of an audience of millions. Well, it was just my left shoulder actually. It was on Question Time with Robin Day. I also took part in a documentary about student radicalism in the days when I wore ripped jeans, multi-coloured t-shirts and a Tom Baker (Dr Who) scarf, not to mention my exceedingly hairy phizog. But I was edited out before it reached the screen. Perhaps I was too radical for the times, or simply too preoccupied with the free food on offer to concentrate on the weighty matters in hand? I will never know.

Question Time has been on our screens for many years. I watched it with a Bulldog recently. This was a real Bulldog and not a euphemism for a family member. We sat on the sofa together vainly attempting to make sense of the linguistic drivel employed by the panellists. Or was the Bulldog asleep? It's not always easy to distinguish between a snore and a snort, is it?

Of course having been on Question Time - a part of me anyway - I feel well qualified to pontificate on political matters. After all, I have a celebrity shoulder.

It appears to me that the language employed by politicians seriously undermines any confidence we might have in their wisdom and judgement. I barely understand a word of it. However, it is meaningful drivel (rather than meaningless drivel) because there's always a grain of meaning in what's being said, albeit a grain surrounded by a sandstorm of obscurity.  (Good Lord, with a phrase like that I really should be on television more often).

And for politicians to be able to speak in such an articulate and obscure way clearly requires a profound mastery of the spoken word and a good intellect. In fact many of the finest minds in the country have the ability to speak drivel with ease. It's quite fascinating. So fascinating, in fact, that I watch programmes like Question Time and Newsnight on a regular basis to keep up to date with the front runners.

One of the best exponents of this linguistic art form is John Swinney who is well worth a listen. The man's clearly a linguistic genius. Forget the politics and enjoy the words, that's my view. Second place to John is harder to determine - David Mundell and Fiona Hyslop are possible candidates although they need to apply themselves with greater diligence over the coming months to pose a serious threat to his awesome status.

This week is election week. I feel it would be beneficial for the country if the candidates donated a small percentage of their election expenses to fund the provision of sandwiches and juice for those who turn up to vote at the Polling Station. It might liven things up a bit and inject some community spirit and colour into an otherwise dour experience. It might even entice more people to vote. As for casting my vote, I have ignored the rhetoric and promises and instead looked back over the candidates past political track records. It has been most revealing. As a consequence I shall now vote for someone I would not have considered before. Why? Because he has delivered with integrity on many important issues in the past and that - after all - is what really matters.

And by the way, just in case sandwiches make a surprise appearance at the Polling Station, I am partial to ham with a touch of mustard. Very tasty.

Copyright 2011 Patrick Vickery

Read more from Patrick in the Rural Ramblings Archive.